That is - why I stopped listening to metal... and then came back to it. 🙃
Sometimes it's difficult for us to see certain patterns that we live from the inside. I'm a perfect example of this - although I usually pride myself on being quite open-minded, I have fallen victim to the unconscious belief that at the current stage of my "spiritual development" (I don't like this phrase, for me it is more about psychological development, but never mind that!) it is harmful for me listening to heavy music. Such music can arouse violent, even unpleasant emotions... that's right. Nothing could be further from the truth - this is the kind of music I truly need. 🖤
It's no coincidence that as a teenager I was drawn to heavy guitar riffs and strong drums. I think that in times of rebellion and pimples, we have greater access to intuition and, unless we fall victim to some poor trends, we choose what we simply feel good about. Sometimes, of course, it's a form of escape from reality, but often also a way of dealing with turbulent emotions at that time. A few weeks ago, returning to my beloved band, which I had forgotten for several (!) years, did a lot for me in terms of letting go of my emotions. Many months of work on myself did not accomplish as much as listening to a few Anathema songs... There were tears and there was enormous relief. Back to my Self.
There will probably be a whole post about this – but the fear of feeling emotions is the downfall of so many of us. Especially those who are sensitive, on the path of helping others and with a vision to make our world healthier and more beautiful. No emotion is ever bad. Emotion is nothing else than energy - "e-motion" may simply mean energy in motion. Avoiding feeling what is already inside us by avoiding stimuli that remind us of it involves blocking this movement. So invite that emotion. In your safe place and time. But feel it fully, don't pretend it's not yours. Your body will thank you for it!
My appeal is this - if you are on the path of development, watch your expectations of yourself. Do you really have to dress a certain way, listen only to mantras and koshi bells, avoid certain types of people or places, or are some of these restrictions completely unlike you? Are you accidentally denying yourself something that still comes naturally to you? Of course we outgrow certain things - but it's incredibly easy to confuse our true evolution with the one we would expect from ourselves. Yet the Universe doesn't expect any external change from us. Spiritual development has no rules and does not look any specific way. You can be a skinhead, goth, listen to disco polo or street rap, you can also wear designer clothes if you feel this is your personality. No choice is wrong if it's truly yours. Own it.
Your authenticity is your greatest treasure.